


How to survive in Game of Throne

by blazingfeather



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Analysis of choices and consequence, Consequences if you don't follow the rule, How to survive, LOTS OF MOCKING, Survival tips, What you should do, What you shouldn't do
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:22:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24165067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blazingfeather/pseuds/blazingfeather
Summary: How to avoid a gruesome death in Game of Throne.
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

Read all the line if you want to survive

CHAPTER 01:

1) Do not let Brienne into your protection.

Renly died, Catelyn died. Well good luck, Sansa!

2) Do not be a father to Jon Snow.

Ned Stark was Jon's adoptive father. Ned died. Jeor Mormont can be regarded as Jon's father. Jeor died. And Rhaegar… Oh poor Rhaegar! Rest in peace Last Dragon!

3) Do not marry Margaery Tyrell.

Renly married her in ss2, he died. Joffrey married her in ss4, he died. Tommen married her in ss5, he died. I don't think I need to explain this further.

4) Do not trust Littlefinger.

See what Ned got for trusting Littlefinger?

5) Beware of bandits, thieves, robbers.

This is too obvious, not just in Westeros.

6) Stay away from the Mountain.

People who stayed too close to this guy didn't end up very well. Elia, Rhaenys, Aegon, Oberyn, …

7) Do not play with Wildfire.

Unless you want to become a green torch.

8) Do not mess with Khal Drogo.

Perhaps you should go ask Viserys what he got after violating this commandament.

9) Do not trust whores.

Who would have thought that Ros would be a spy? Other whores could be, too.

10) Do not trade dragons.

Dragons are not like sheep that you raise and trade as you please. Dragons are not your slave, tools and things that you can buy and sell.


	2. Chapter 2

Read all the line if you want to survive

CHAPTER 02:

1) Do not irritate a khaleesi, especially when she is carrying a son.

Oh poor Viserys (again)! He shouldn't have threatened to kill Daenerys and Rhaego.

2) Always have a weapon with you when you go out.

Not just when you go out, even when you are at home. The world is just too dangerous to go anywhere empty-handed.

3) Keep your word.

Every word you say can decide your life and people's life. Do not just say something carelessly because you feel like saying it. Be careful on each word and do not forget what you said.

4) Defeat house Frey of the Crossing when you have chance. They are not reliable.

Robb trusted house Frey. Catelyn trusted house Frey. Edmure trusted house Frey. What did they get in the end? Betrayal.

5) Keep the door locked when you are in toilet.

How did the Hand of King die? Shot by his son when he was in toilet. How did his son manage to shoot him when he was shitting? He forgot to lock the door.

6) Do not tease direwolves. Their teeth are sharp.

Joffrey's arm, Greatjon Umber's fingers… Okay, just try to tease a direwolf.

7) Knowledge is power. The more you know, the more advantageous you are.

How did Littlefinger become extremely powerful and successful? He was knowledgeable. That's all.

8) Do not confess any crime to the High Septon, unless you want a Walk of Atonement.

Cersei was made to walk the Walk of Shame because she confessed that she commited incest. Okay!

9) Do not confess. Just demand a trial by combat.

After a trial of combat, if you lose, you just have to compensate a sum of money. So just demand trial by combat.

10) Listen to right advices.

If Robb had listened to his mother and uncle's advices, he wouldn't have end up life that.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 03:

1) Money is extremely necessary.

What would/could you do when there aren't a single penny left in your pocket?

2) When your city is under siege, a hideout with supplies will do the things.

The invaders do not care which side you are on, they will just savage you when they take your city. So how about preparing a comfortable hideout while you are figuring out how to get out of the city?

3)Train swordsmanship, archery and martial arts to defend yourself.

Well do not expect a gallant knight to show up and save you like in fairy tales told by your nanny. Knights are just busy. That's why you have to save yourself. So let's find a good master and start your training.

4) Do not befriend Ramsay Bolton. He will eventually feed you to his hound.

This bloody man killed his father, fed his stepmother and half-brother to his hounds. What makes you think he wouldn't do the same to you?

5) Cardio. Keep fit. If you can not fight, at least you can outrun your enemies.

Well the point is your physical strength.

6) If you know a lustful man or woman coming, run for your life!

Unless you are lustful too

7) Working for the Iron Bank of Braavos is the safest way to survive (?!)

No organizations, no kings had ever attacked this bank. If they had, the support of the Iron Bank would have been lost.

8) Form alliance with house Lannister and house Tyrell.

Two wealthiest and most powerful houses of Westeros. Okay!

9) Sit at the most crowded table in a feast.

If someone wants to kill you, he/she will have to overcome a bunch of people. And you can easily realize if the food has been poisonous.

10) If you are wanted, disguise as another man.

If you walk outside and see your face on wanted posters, will you show your real face in public?


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4:

1\. Salted meat is the best food for long journey.

The best thing you can carry when there is no refrigerator. It may not be delicious but it keeps you alive.

2\. Do not hide money in one place.

The same thing as do not put all of your eggs in one basket.

3\. Patience is a good trait.

Trust me, being impatient does you no good.

4\. Do not quarrel with Olenna Redwyne.

You can try, but only when you want to be humiliated.

5\. If you have a chance to slap Joffrey, slap him as hard as possible.

More like a way to enjoy life than a way to survive.

6\. Do not owe the Iron Bank of Braavos.

Maybe you don't want to have your throat slit while you are sleeping.

7\. Do not trust the Boltons or the Freys.

We don't have trust issue for no reasons.

8\. If you take the black, make sure you remain non-confrontational with your brothers.

They are your allies at the Wall, just try to get along.

9\. Pack up your wound carefully.

Bacteria kill more than wars.

10\. Beware of greyscale and the stonemen.

We have no vaccine so it depends on you.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5:

1\. Do not assume that bribes can get you out of everything.

Some are either too moral or too brutal to care about money. Imagine trying to bribe the Mountain.

2\. Do not drink too much.

Who knows what an angry boar or a barbarian can do to you when you are drunk.

3\. Do not attack anyone who has accepted you as guest.

Betrayal of hospitality is not a good way if you want to survive, unless the host wants to kill you.

4\. Know how to swim

Perhaps you don't want to be one the Drowned God's men.

5\. Spare no traitors.

If your servant betrays once, he can betray you twice.

6\. Do not mess up your plan and team just because of a man/woman.

Love is blind but please open your eyes, you're in Game of Throne. Nobody loves you as much as the God of Death.

7\. Always have a reliable bodyguard.

He/she is a roving piece of salted meat that keeps you alive.

8\. Do not pay Gregor Clegane a visit.

Visiting a murder and rapist is never an option.

9\. Have more than one weapon.

The same thing as having plan B.

10\. Poison your weapon to increase damage.

Your stabs hurt more if your weapon is poisoned. Just take a look at how Oberyn tortured the Mountain with his venomous spear.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6:

1\. Wear helmet in a battle.

Critical item for your survival during battles and war, don't forget it!

2\. Dragons' weak spot: eyes.

Not too helpful but at least it's knowledge.

3\. Do not trust everything a tortured person tells you.

He/she can lie so that you stop torturing. Think over it!

4\. Learn how to use and distinguish poison.

Imagine how hideous you would look if you were poisoned at your wedding.

5\. Remain calm and cold in every situation.

The same thing as being patient. Patience is always a good trait.

6\. Do not try to fight these people directly: Jaime Lannister, Oberyn Martell, Khal Drogo, Brienne of Tarth, Bronn, Sandor Clegane, Loras Tyrell, Garlan Tyrell, Gregor Clegane.

An ant should never encounter an elephant directly.

7\. Do not choose love over duty.

Your own happiness in exchange of the life of your family, your soldiers? Oh please!

8\. Do not act abusive toward your servants.

Respect other people so that they respect you. Besides, who knows what a snapped servant can do.

9\. Do not reject the Hound, give him some chicken.

If you a good friend of the Hound, your chance of survival has risen.

10\. When confronting a khalasaar, poison their water supply and food first.

Why wasting your army in a direct fight when you can win with strategy?


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7:

1\. Burn bodies after people die in the North.

You wouldn't want to confront the reanimated corpses with glowing blue eyes of your deceased family members, allies.

2\. If you take the black or visit the Wall, train yourself against frost-bite.

We are not playing Frozen with Elsa so prepare yourself.

3\. Keep silent and your head cool during battle.

Unless you want to have your head crushed.

4\. Treat your ex-fiancée well.

At least that keeps you from being assassinated by your next wife.

5\. Do not insult your dwarf uncle.

Especially when he is a mastermind and is still tall enough to slap you.

6\. Best way to tame dragons: give them sheep every day.

The same way as taming a dog, though dragons are not dogs.

7\. Be wary of women who smile too often and too eagerly.

Who knows what Margaery Tyrell hides behind her friendly smiles.

8\. Stay away from drug.

Lead a healthy and balanced lifestyle for your own sake.

9\. Leave your sword behind before entering Vaes Dothraki.

When in Rome, do as the Rome do.

10\. If your king is crazy and unworthy, it's time to find a new king.

Betrayal in this case is forgiven.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8:

1\. Be careful with the Red Priest and Priestess.

They can do everything to satisfy the Lord of Light, including burning you and your family as offering.

2\. Always have a trained dog, hawk or a big and fierce pet.

They can save your life someday.

3\. Mercy toward your enemies is cruelty toward yourself.

If your ally can betray you, why can't your spared enemies stab you in the back?

4\. If you are running from your enemies, do not put on fire or leave any signal.

This is too obvious.

5\. If you are intercepted by a horseman, deal with the horse first.

You must have a higher ground than your enemy.

6\. Do not rely on crossbows.

They take long to reload and occupy more space than bow and arrows.

7\. Keep your weapon shine and sharp.

Just as you keep your mind calm and conscious.

8\. Adore your soldiers, do not mistreat them.

Respect those who are risking their life for you.

9\. Do not promise thing you can do.

Breaking your word is the same thing as betrayal.

10\. Have a poison vial with you in case your sellsword betrays you.

If you can't kill him with your sword, use poison.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9:

1\. If you are going to bed somebody, make sure he/she is unarmed.

Unless you want to die during sex.

2\. Be wary of whores. They can exploit information from you.

Who know Ros was a spy?

3\. Do not antagonize the Faceless Men under any circumstance.

They are literally killers!

4\. Recruit a pack of strong and faithful crew.

A good team increases your chance of survival.

5\. Talk less, do more.

Words are powerful, but not as powerful as your actions.

6\. Keep your friends close. Keep your enemies closer.

Littlefinger is a jerk but this is right.

7\. Know your strength and weakness.

If you don't, you will die because of your stupidity before any disease strikes you down.

8\. Do not wear golden armor.

Gold is heavy and it attracts thieves, robbers.

9\. Always have plan and backup plans.

Acting with caution helps you live longer.

10\. Stay on the right side in a war.

Wars are like games of thrones. You win or you die.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10:

1\. Learn to speak many languages.

Knowledge is powers.

2\. Do not cross an angry hungry mob.

Watch where you are going! Unless you want to be ripped apart and stewed like beef.

3\. Do not take the side of the Wildlings. They have never won a battle.

Stay on the right side in a war.

4\. Be loyal to your overlord.

See what house Florent got after they betrayed the Tyrells for Stannis?

5\. Keep an eye on those who do not drink in a feast.

A feast can become a massacre and a funeral.

6\. These people know how to hold grudge: Arya Stark, Lady Stoneheart, Ellaria Sand, Oberyn Martell. Just do not irritate them!

7\. Do not confide with a stranger.

How can you trust a stranger when even your allies and relatives can be trying to stab you in the back?

8\. Try to find a Valyrian-steel sword.

You might confront a White Walker someday. If you don't, it's still better than normal swords.

9\. If you are going to kiss a Dornish woman, make sure there is no poison on her lips.

Kiss a beautiful woman and then die with your nose and mouth bleeding, obviously not the ending you expect.

10\. Do everything mentioned above. Good luck surviving!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is supposed to end here with 100 rules. But is it?

**Author's Note:**

> Literally how to survive the game of thrones from season 1 to season 6. I choose not to write tips about season 7 and 8 because they basically ruined the whole series


End file.
